the safe castle

i saw alice in wonderland at the movies.
there is a red queen and a white queen.
and for so much of the film there's tension and discomfort and we're in this world of danger. for all the time alice is in the red queen's court she's only protected by a made-up name. and for all the beauty and mystery and magic of the world it wasn't 'safe' and there were no anchors or stability.

but the story gets around to alice being discovered and attacked and chased and she runs and runs and runs and gets to the white queen's castle. and high on a stone balcony of the castle, on the neat white stone under a clean night sky she stands overlooking a series of quiet, tall waterfalls.

for whatever point they were aiming at making, i was so struck by that calm. one day soon, maybe tomorrow, i'm going to live in a castle like that. but better. i couldn't stop thinking of how tangible it will be, my daily, momentary lived reality will be in a calm paradisal kingdom. i'll walk that balcony. the instant i'm there i never won't be there.